Be good by: 126StringsIt was a nice warm day in Philmont, New Mexico. There was a cool breeze. The trees were inhabited by small baby squirrels. Many ranger stations were there made of earth and wood and there lived a man by the name of Francis B. Good.
Francis was a legendary man not because he had a moustache that had very long tips with flowers wrapped around them. Not because he could play a recorder just like ringing a bell. But because he saved lives by using JUST his stupidity, his spectacular moustache, and the random things that he could find around him.
Francis was a better, stupider version of Maguiver. (Maguiver built a time machine out of a nickel, a sock, and a paper clip then went back in time saw Francis and stole the idea.)
It all started the day he was born…
The day Francis was born he already had a perfect moustache with tips pointing up at a steep angle from the base of it. It was so perfect that if you looked at his baby pictures, you would go blind from the great tips. This moustache was truly one of a kind.
Growing up he had loved the outdoors, and the outdoors had loved his moustache. The moustache was so soft that the blue birds would sometimes nest in it during the spring. In school Francis was an invisible soul. He had two friends, only two friends. They went by the names of Lester and Colin. The first day that they met in high school, something clicked between the three of them. Soon after meeting, Francis asked, ”So what do you guys want to be when you get out of high school?”
After a few moments of deep thought Colin yelled, “Farmer!”
Soon after Colin finished answering Francis, Lester finally told him, “I want to put aglets onto shoe laces for running shoes.” “I think you guys should become park rangers,” said Francis. “It would be a great job. You guys should look into it”
A few years later, Francis joined the local ranger training camp. Colin and Lester felt guilty for leaving their friend in Philmont. Three months after Francis graduated from the training camp, Lester and Colin went to see what it was like at the ranger station and see how their friend was doing.
Soon after seeing each other, they noticed that their friend’s level of stupidity had risen… a lot. But this time he was using it to his advantage.
Later in the day they sat down in the closest ranger station they could possibly find. As they sat down, Francis pulled a half eaten tuna sandwich out of his red metallic lunch box. “You guys hungry?” asked Francis.
Colin and Lester replied in sync, “YES!”
“If you guys want,” said Francis, ”there is enough food in the fridge to feed an army. So, go for it.”
Lester opened the fridge stood in amazement for a few moments and yelled, “HOLY CRAP!”
There was turkey, ham, pastrami, tuna and every lunch meat that you could possibly think of.
Lester had just started to make a sandwich when they heard a loud cracking noise coming from the forest along with the roar or a chain saw. Francis ran out the door as he heard another loud crack. A big cloud of dust rose from the direction of the loud crack.
Francis had to know what was going on. He jumped on his 1973 Honda moped. Francis had always thought that stickers and William Shatner were the luckiest things in the world, so he completely covered the moped in red William Shatner stickers.
As he rode, he heard more loud cracking noises. More dust rose as more trees fell. When he finally got there he looked around and saw about fifty dead trees lying on the ground. In the distance he saw two big men eating. Francis then walked over to them and said, “Don’t you know that this is a wild life reserve and that you can’t cut down trees without a ranger’s consent?”
One of the men replied in a deep and evil voice, “Who says we aren’t allowed to cut down these trees? Huh, who?”
Francis angrily yelled, “The government!”
The evil lumberjacks left for a while. Later at around five o’clock Francis heard more trees falling. He soon grabbed his recorder and ran out the door to his moped and headed off to the falling trees. Lester and Colin came trailing behind him.
Francis finally got there with Colin and Lester. Knowing that no one but him, Colin, and Lester could handle the awful and loud screech of a recorder he started to play. “Mary Had a Little Lamb” had no effect on the lumberjacks. He tried song after song until “Master of Puppets” came to mind. He started playing the song as Colin and Lester started to beat on the trees. They couldn’t play very well, but the lumberjacks couldn’t handle one of the best heavy metal songs played so awfully.
The lumberjacks ran away yelling, “ This isn’t the end!”
Two years later after graduating from the ranger training camp Lester and Colin joined Francis in Philmont. They defeated many more lumberjacks as time went on. Together they started a music lesson center for recorders just outside of the park (which was a great success).
(Maguiver still stole the idea from Francis)
